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Tips for a romantic weekend
Gentlemen, it's present buying time. No, she doesn't want the Celine Dion box set, nor does she want the espresso machine that you're hoping she'll learn how to use in time for boxing day breakfast. No, genius, she wants to be whisked away for a romantic weekend. So lock the children/mother-in-law in a cupboard with a weekend's supply of Coco Pops and make your escape. A couple of golden rules:
Avoid old haunts. And when you get to your destination don't mention the fact that you'd stayed there with Isabelle, Chloe or Roxanne - or their gymnastic abilities in bed.
Money can buy you love. Saying you're going to Paris is one thing. Saying you've found a Polish coach that will take you there for a tenner via Krakow is another. Remember, the journey is the most romantic part of the trip - so buy champagne for the train. Take taxis. Snuggle up.
Nothing but sweet nothings. Don't talk about your job, your parents, your friends, football, cats, food, comedy, politics or Christmas. Talk love. And if you're still stuck for something to do with your mouth? Kiss.
Reading material....obviously the Karma Sutra.