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Old Men Rock

Every Christmas the old man gets drunk and tells you he could have been one of the Beatles, while stroking the always near guitar case that you’re petrified he’ll open and actually attempt to play.

It’s time then to pack him off to Guitar Boot Camp where he and his fellow middle-aged talentless hopefuls make sounds like a herd of feral cats attacking a music shop.

Guitar Weekends, www.guitarweekends.co.uk is a boot camp for rockers young and old (mostly old!) run in the Lake District by Malcolm White of the Beckfoot Guesthouse.

The weekends run classes from Guitar Strugglers 1 to, well, basically geezers making a sound like depressed whales.

Where Ferry 'Cross the Mersey resembles clocks being smashed and Love Me Do sounds like a cat being tortured.

If all else fails, there’s a few lakes close by where hopefully the old man will finally cop on, toss the guitar in and come home quietly in his Rudolf jumper.

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